HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
