there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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