take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
