Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
