Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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