I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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