I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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