you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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