my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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