My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
