He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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