I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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