I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
