dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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