when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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