I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
