how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
