but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
