so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
