hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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