listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
