Who did Billy Mays play for?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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