she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
try to milk me bitch
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