I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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