I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
