Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
