i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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