my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
