"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
