Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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