i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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