I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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