There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
