I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
