I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
