I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize