Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
