What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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