Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
