ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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