He is such a slut. More and more my type.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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