Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
