I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
