Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
