yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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