i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
