Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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