so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
