Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
