And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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