i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
