Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
