In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
