Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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