Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
