these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
