wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize