Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
