If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
