It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
