There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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