We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just pee around me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
