He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
