good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
