Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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