I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize