Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
