Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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