I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
