How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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