I'm so fucking centered right now
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
