My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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