It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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