u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
