batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
