I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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