its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
