He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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