wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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