Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
