I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
