He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He passed out mid-signature
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
