Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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