i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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