this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
