listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
