Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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