I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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