I like to think it a success when the cops are called
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
