dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
