My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize