The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
