It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
