you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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