Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
