come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
