And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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