she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
