Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
