You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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