Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
