I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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