We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
