He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
