omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
