Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
