covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
