i would punch a child for taco bell
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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