So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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