Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize