Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
